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Oh You’re a Nirvana Fan? Name Three Steps on Noble Siddhartha’s Fourfold Path to Enlightenment

Hey, nice t-shirt. Nirvana. You think you’re a Nirvana fan? Sure, kid. Whatever you say. Okay big shot, how ’bout this? If you love Nirvana so much, why don’t you name three of Siddhartha’s Noble Truths of Enlightenment, blessed be his name, the divine one who has thus come and the divine one who has thus gone?

Yeah. I thought so.

If you were really into Nirvana like you claim, then I’m sure you’re familiar with the life and doctrines of the Gautama Buddha? So you totally knew he was born a prince of the Shakya clan in modern-day Nepal? Sure. And I bet you also knew that he lived a life of pleasure before encountering the suffering of the world, becoming an ascetic, before rejecting both extremes for the noble truth of the Fourfold Path that is the only thing that can free us from the endless cosmic yoke of reincarnation through dhyana and relinquishing of worldly attachments? You seem surprised. A real fan wouldn’t be surprised. You know who would be surprised? A fucking poser.

If I had a prayer bead for every Bodhisattva-come-lately that I’ve heard claim to love Nirvana, but not even be able to list one Noble Truth. Can you? Asshole. Here’s a hint: the first one is Duḥkha, which is the revealed truth of the inherent suffering nature of the earthly realm, the pain and stress that exists in all things that exist. Jackass. You know what the suffering of existence means to me? It means having to look at a fucking newbie like you call yourself a fan. You don’t even have a saffron robe.

It’s fake people like you that make it hard to renounce attachment to the world and taṇhā, which is translated as “craving” or “desire.” As in, my desire to knock your fucking teeth in. A real Nirvana fan spends their life in meditation, balancing their mind and spirit, assiduously traveling along the Noble Eightfold Path of Bhagavathi, the Satthadeva-Manussanam, the Blessed Buddha who has shown us the way to shed the terrible burden of the karmic wheel and transcend existence itself into the sheer release of realization of non-self. You’re just some motherfucker who bought a t-shirt.

You know what? Fuck off and don’t come ’round here again. I hope you get reincarnated a million times you poser piece of shit.