As someone who tends to curate playlists, I always get excited to see my end of the year Spotify Wrapped, because it typically just shows my listening trends and what artists especially spoke to me. This year, it was a little different—a little more foreboding.
While everyone was excitedly sharing their minutes listening to Taylor Swift and Doja Cat, I was staring down the barrel of 50k+ minutes of listening to some of the most hellishly depressing and anguished music I could have possibly queued, in the most upsetting order imaginable. Why didn’t anyone ask how I was doing when I listened to “No Shade In The Shadow Of The Cross” by Sufjan Stevens, followed by Scotland by McCafferty (a canceled band, mind you)?
If that wasn’t enough, my Spotify recommended an “updated” list of antidepressants I should try. I’m not sure anything could be more effective than lamotrigine for me, and the suggestion that I try Abilify is downright insulting. What part of my listening history suggests that I need an SSRI? Is it the playlist consisting entirely of Pinegrove? Foxing? God fucking forbid, Elliot Smith??
The most baffling statistic was July 17th being my most active day on Spotify. I had to wrack my brain to figure out what could have been going on that day, until I remembered I had a particularly fucking exhausting phone call with a family member, and had to decompress by alternating between white noise and “Class of 2013” by Mitski. I did cry for several hours and I’m unsure of how Spotify knew that.
If anyone else was given a list of mental health professionals in their area in lieu of a city with music taste similar to mine, I would love to know.