So you finally started that podcast you’ve been talking about for three years. Good for you! I’m sure now that you’ve briefly thought about the content of your podcast your mind has undoubtedly wondered to the question, “How do I turn this podcast into some kind of cash machine like Marc Maron?” Well, short of blowing everyone at Stamps.com, you’re probably not really in a position to get that sweet sponsorship money. “But maybe I can get on Nerdist, or Earwolf, or Maximum Fun!” you say to yourself. Dude, get real. You’ve got almost 20 recurring listeners every month. Chris Hardwick isn’t gonna be knocking on your door any time soon.
The truth is there’s only one surefire way to monetize your podcast and that’s by selling all of your recording equipment, right now.
You’re recording this shit in your kitchen anyway, why the hell do you need a Tascam MiniStudio? What’d that cost you, $200? That’s your car payment this month, you stupid idiot. Sony headphones, four Behringer B-2 microphones with shock mounts, pop screens, and desktop stands? FUCK YOURSELF. That’s more than $800 right there, do you think you’re fucking Joe Rogan or something? You’ve invested just south of $1,000 into this half-baked idea and we haven’t even talked about XLR cables or hosting fees yet. All this so you can broadcast out to the world that you and your buddy can’t properly pronounce Japanese pro wrestlers names? Why? You may as well just set all your goddamn money on fire.
I was once like you. I thought, “man, I’ll bet there’s a lot of people out there who wanna hear about the plot holes I’ve discovered in the Marvel Cinematic Universe,” but it turns out like 10,000 other people have already made podcasts about the plot holes in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and about 9,998 of them were better than mine.
Related: It’s Time to Have a Conversation About How Lonely I Am
Just accept that no one wants to hear your bullshit fantasy booking ideas for the G1 Climax and do what I did: Stop broadcasting your dumb thoughts into the vast reaches of the internet where no one can hear them, and sell all your podcasting gear. With the money you make you can take a sick vacation to Hawaii, or buy an instrument and start a band that nobody cares about, or an infinite amount of other things that will be more fulfilling than arguing about the Kota Ibushi’s selling publicly on the internet.
My point is this: The only way for YOU to make money in podcasting is to get OUT of podcasting.
Side note, if you can’t find a buyer for all that sweet equipment, let me know. I’ve got an idea for a comedy sketch show podcast that I think would finally get me some recognition.
Podcast better in your new Hard Times shirt!
Article by Dustin Meadows @dustinmeadows