Somebody call the Brothers Grimm! A modern-day retelling of their famous German fairy tale, Rapunzel, took place at the Wake County Fair, as a burly man allowed a line of flustered local ladies to caress and play with his lengthy rat tail.
We sure would like to be locked up in a tower with him!
The most eligible fair-goers North Carolina had to offer stood single-file, awaiting their turn to approach the brooding man and tug on his narrow strand of hair, excitedly preparing for the Disney princess moment they had always imagined.
“Wee!” one woman shouted before vomiting a Big Gulp-sized stream of jungle juice onto the rat-tailed man’s steel-toe boots. Like a scorpion, he swung his body in a smooth vigorous spin and flung the little puking lady off of his hair, projecting her into a deep-fried Snickers cart.
The incident did not deter other inebriated, small-town ladies from playing with the tail. The line stayed steady all day, making it the most popular attraction at the fair that didn’t involve racing pigs.
County Fair organizers weren’t angry with the man for garnering so much fanfare, so long as he cut them a piece of his profit.
“I gave the greedy fucks a buck for every 5 I made,” reasoned the unnamed rat-tailed man, who had quite a bit of cash stuffed into his sleeveless Marshall Tucker Band half-tee. “But I get it. This is just how it goes in the rat tail business. And believe me, brother, business is good.”