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Meet the Unlucky Stock Photo Model We’re Using for Our Article About Racists

Periodically we like to take a deeper look at the different people who are responsible for our articles. That is why today we will be looking at this stock model who will be featured in our next article making fun of alt-right racists. We don’t know a lot about him, but we do know that he is unlucky. By random chance we have deemed his generic photograph a perfect image for maximizing SEO on our article about entitled white supremacists.

We first met him when we typed “white guy” into our stock image library and then added the words “cocky” “good looking” and “punch-able.” He seems to enjoy getting his photo taken so maybe he’s trying to make it as an actor, or he could just be a friend of the stock photographer who needed someone to pose for a series that needed to take place in a classroom. He might be into fitness since he is very good-looking, with a smile that seems well-rehearsed but could easily hide an air of racial superiority, which works great for our comedic purposes.

Take a good look at this man. This, for our purposes, is the face of hate in America.

We don’t have a name for him yet, but we’ll make sure it’s something vague like Alex or Mike, tactfully avoiding any play on stereotypes by giving him a name associated with the deep south, like Kleadus. Who knows? This article we are working on needs to be a very brutal take-down of the systemic racism in this country and it needs to be easily shareable. In fact, the article might get so popular that people will begin sharing it without our masthead, and soon the line between parody and fact will become increasingly blurred. Tough break (Alex/Mike/Dave?).

Hey, for all we know we’re right about this dude. Look at him. We did, and the first thing we thought was “racist poster boy.” I’m just saying, there’s never smoke without fire, right?

In any event, this unlucky bastard’s real story, his hopes, and his dreams will be replaced by our grotesque and admittedly exaggerated speculations. Sometimes, when you sign away your likeness, that’s just the cost of doing business.

Soon this model’s sharp jawline will be the first thing you see when you google the words “racist” “white power” or due to a glitch in our host sites tagging toolbar “sex criminal”. When that inevitable day comes, we’ll thankfully get to say we knew him before his big break, when he was just another hasty decision to meet a deadline.