As a nod to traditional western values, local misogynist John Buswell told his new girlfriend to get her fat ass in the kitchen and make him lunch, but nothing with tomato because it triggers his acid reflux and gives him a belly ache.
Unbelievable! Despite all of his patriarchal views and 1950s moral outlook, this man has absolutely no masculine traits at all!
“Look, I expect a warm meal on the table after breaking my back all day podcasting and selling vintage T-shirts online,” he said. “I told her to get in there and make me a sandwich because touching deli meats grosses me out. Also, last time I tried to make a sandwich, I cut my finger on a butter knife and it still kind of stings.”
Way to break from toxic masculine stereotypes, John! What a progressive trendsetter!
John has always dedicated his life to enforcing traditional gender roles since his junior year of high school after someone asked him to prom as a joke. According to the caption on an Instagram post of John wearing a shirt in the pool, “As the physically superior sex, a man’s natural place is leading the charge.”
“Like it or not, men are the superior sex,” John told us as he waited for his girlfriend to assist him in opening a jar. “That’s why I always hire a man to change my oil, fix my plumbing, and hang Ikea shelves for me.”
When reached for a follow-up, John reported that he was newly single and ready to get back on the market just as soon as his mom comes over and kills the spider near the keys to his Vespa.