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I Went to This Bar Disguised as Glenn Danzig Only to Discover He’s Also Been Banned Here

Last weekend, I was thrown out of my favorite bar for being “too aggressive” after attempting to throw a chair at someone who said I only had long hair to hide the fact that I was balding. I figured slipping and falling on my ass instead would’ve been karma enough, but apparently the bouncer disagreed and decided to escort me out of the bar. At first I didn’t think this was a big deal, because I had a plan.

So I donned the palest concealer I could find at Sephora, got a black wig, stuffed some towels under a black t-shirt that was just a little too tight, turned my ego up to 11, and headed back to the bar as the spitting image of Glenn Danzig.

When it comes to punk bands, very few are more iconic than the Misfits. From the famous Crimson Ghost logo seen in Walmarts all across the US, to the silly widow’s peak sported by bassist Jerry Only, they are instantly recognizable to anyone who spent their childhoods stealing horror movies from their local Blockbuster because their parents refused to let them rent any. You can’t deny that Misfits singer Glenn Danzig is a punk legend, which is why I was so surprised to find out that he’s also banned from this bar for, weirdly enough, doing the exact same thing I did after receiving the exact same insult about our awesome hair.

In retrospect, I should’ve seen this coming. Not to say that I am worthy of being compared to a man with the notoriety of Danzig, but I have always modeled my life after his “get angry and throw a fit first, think about it later” approach to life. And I feel like I’ve lived in a way that is faithful to my idol since then and maybe we’re not so different after all. He has his legendary music career that punks all around the world are familiar with, and I have my legendary reputation for disturbing the peace that police all around my county are familiar with. I think the lesson here is that you should always follow in the footsteps of your idols.