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I Don’t Care That We “Both Kind of Liked” Breakfast at Tiffany’s, if You Show Up at My Work Again I’ll Call the Cops

There is no way in hell that both of us “kind of” liking Breakfast at Tiffany’s is enough of a reason for you to keep showing up at my work and my apartment begging for another chance. You need to honor the restraining order and leave me alone. We went on ONE date dude, chill. It’s been like three years! You have to give it up!

Stop showing up at my home and work, stop “running into me” at my favorite coffee shop, stop telling me when and where your band Deep Blue whateverthefuck is playing, I am not interested.

Let me break down exactly what you are obsessing over. You asked me “What about ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s?’” I responded “I think I remember the film” because like, what a weird question. You seemed crestfallen by this, so in politeness, I offered “If I recall I THINK we both KIND OF liked it.” I would not call that “the one thing we’ve got.” I wouldn’t call that anything.

If I am being completely honest about that movie, I thought it “kind of” blew ass. The whole time you kept saying “wait for it, this is the best part” and then it would always just wind up being Mickey Rooney playing a terribly racist Asian character. When I tried to bring it up you just shushed me and said “don’t speak, just watch the master at work.” I kept waiting for them to have breakfast thinking maybe that would save it but I don’t think they ever did…what gives?

Even if I did like that movie, what kind of psycho thinks that’s enough to base a relationship on? You don’t think maybe you should find someone who has a few more shared interests? Why not find someone who totally likes Breakfast at Tiffany’s?

It just doesn’t make any sense, dude. It’s bad enough I keep having to shoo away those creepy-looking Scottish twins who are always falling down at my door proclaiming their love for me looking like they have walked at least 499 miles, if not more. I’m a busy woman, I can’t keep nursing all of these men’s egos.

What I’m saying is, we have nothing in common, no common ground to start from, and you need to fuck off.