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How To Decipher Your Tattoo Artist’s Cryptic And Aggressive Booking Directions In Their Instagram Bio

So the time has come yet again for a new tattoo. How exciting! These days, most tattoo artists primarily work through Instagram, using it as a digital portfolio and a scheduling app in one. But sometimes artists can be tricky to understand, and you want to make sure you’re able to book your appointment smoothly. So here are 7 easy steps to help YOU decipher your tattoo artist’s cryptic and aggressive booking directions in their Instagram bio!

1. Read their bio carefully!
Be sure to REALLY comb through that bio. Here’s an example we pulled to help guide you.

✅DO NOT DM to book, DMs only for booking
⛔️Email my assistant for an appointment!!!!
👎NO appointments without deposit, not accepting emails

2. Read it again because that didn’t really make sense?
Huh, yeah. Go ahead and take the time to read that again, because that was kind of weird and contradictory, don’t you think?

3. Send them a DM…or an email…
Ok, ok, so it’s a little less angry when it says “DO NOT DM to book“ instead of “NO EMAIL NO APPOINTMENT!” So DM it is.

4. Maybe both?
Ah, fuck. Now you’re nervous that they’re not going to see your message, or they’ll block you for not following their protocol and then you’ll be shit out of luck. Email just to be safe and be super apologetic. Here’s a handy template:

Hey Jaxon,

So sorry to bother you—I know that you’re super busy and probably booked a few months out, but I was curious if you had any openings for a custom piece? Totally cool if not. I know your bio says not to email (or to email your assistant) but I wasn’t quite sure how to reach out.

Thank you SO much!

5. Do you know someone who knows this guy in person?
You know what, maybe it’s best to just like, ask for an appointment via a proxy. You’ve gotta know someone who knows him. Doesn’t he do your exes tattoos too? You could always ask her. You’ve been meaning to catch up with her, actually, so that could work out—

6. Last-ditch effort
Don’t call your ex. Sorry. Sorry for that advice, we’re having kind of a rough go of it lately.

We suggest using either a smoke signal or a carrier pigeon to contact your artist if you’ve gotten to this point without success.

7. Give up and get walk-in flash like you always do

Fuck it. Just roll up to the least sketchy shop you can find and get some neo-traditional blackwork bullshit. At this rate, you’ll have that sleeve done in six or seven years!