Taking care of one’s mental health can be exhausting in this age of climate change, economic free-fall, and neighbors who play the zither. Fortunately, there are more options than ever for self-care including remote therapy, medication, and good old-fashioned repression of all your compounding trauma. However, the best way to improve mental health is by caring for a houseplant and feeling a constant surge of power like a burning drug in our veins as we contemplate how we could kill this living being at any time, with no consequences.
Did you know houseplants reduce anxiety? Scientists have concluded that the ability to look at a growing, verdant plant in your living space reduces your anxiety at a rate directly proportional to the stress you put the plant in by slowly sipping from a glass in front of it while asking it how long it’s been since it was watered.
According to studies, the sensory engagement you get from caring for a houseplant can help with depression. Similarly, berating a peace lily every day before you leave for work gives it the kind of sensory engagement that makes it fear your return. This fear will strengthen you. Delicious, delicious fear.
Lastly, caring for a houseplant will bring you mindfulness. Keep yourself centered by reminding yourself that you control every aspect of this plant’s existence and even if someone knew about this, they could do nothing. Who would even care? There are no plant laws. To that plant, you are the law.