31-year old Rancho Cucamonga native Lee Vitrano is the picture of perfect health — a triathlon athlete, personal trainer, and wellness coach whose penchant for fitness may only be outmatched by his community outreach. It might surprise you then to learn that Lee would not be standing here today if rock ‘n’ roll legend Rod Stewart had not blown a small platoon of sailors in the Fall of 1982. But as Lee tells it, “Some guys have all the luck.”
The lurid events of that fateful night have been whispered among schoolyards for decades, new details seemingly emerging with each retelling (Was he really wearing a captain’s hat?) But what we know for certain is that Rod Stewart sucked off an indeterminate amount of seamen, swallowed the seamen’s semen, got a tummy ache, and when all was said and done, local paramedics had extracted exactly one gallon of jizz from his stomach.
However, what often gets overlooked in this urban legend is the most miraculous aspect of it all. For that gallon of semen was promptly donated to an LA County sperm bank where it has gone on to spawn over 50, and counting, beautiful, healthy babies!
Back in 2015, Vitrano started a Facebook group to locate others who may have been propagated from this same spermous goulash and was shocked to find an entire community desperate to connect. They call themselves “Belly Buddies” and while they may not be biologically related in the traditional sense, these brothers and sisters are intrinsically linked by a 90-minute joyride in the digestive tract of British rock royalty.
This Summer will mark the 10th Annual “Belly Buddy Meet-Up” at Kellogg Park, where Belly Buddies young and old gather for a family reunion of sorts to catch-up, grill hot dogs, and compete in the annual cornhole tournament. Organized by Vitrano, the event earned enough word of mouth to even attract the Godfather of Rasp himself, Rod Stewart.
Known in the community as “Uncle Rod”, the ever-graceful Stewart has taken time out of his busy crooning schedule to attend the previous four meet-ups, delighting his belly offspring with countless selfies, meaningful life advice, and even an impromptu sing-along of “D’ya Think I’m Sexy”.
When asked about his involvement, Rod was eager to set the record straight once and for all. “I’ve never denied the claims. The real hoax was the story about how this was all a hoax. Truth is, we were all drinking insane amounts of semen back then. Jagger and Bowie could really put ‘em back. That night my weak stomach got the better of me and I unfortunately have never been able to live it down.”