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Have I Lost My Lust for Life or Is Toast Just Not Springing Out of Toasters Like It Used To?

Where is the excitement these days? Whatever happened to the little joys in life that made us so happy when we were young? Where are the simple yet exhilarating moments Jack Johnson is always singing about? I just don’t know. Maybe I’m alone here but, to me, toast just isn’t springing out of the toaster anymore.

When I was a kid my mom would call me down for breakfast and soon that familiar “ding!” would ring out as two golden-brown slices would leap out of the toaster, double flip, and land perfectly on my plate. I can still hear my friends calling to me from outside, eager for me to join them for yet another day of discovering the wonders life has to offer.

Well, it’s 17 years later and I’m home alone on Friday night making garlic bread with dollar store onion powder, no longer sure if I’ve ever had a real friend. Meanwhile, these sullen slices of bread unenthusiastically creep out of the toaster like a child terrified of what they may discover upon entering the real world.

And it’s not just toast! I remember the feeling I got when smelling coffee in the morning. I had just graduated and was starting my first real job. Every whiff smelled like adventure! I couldn’t wait to grab a cup and go conquer the world! Now, all I smell is a reminder that I’m in the same dead-end job but now I also have crippling IBS.

But what about candles? They used to instantly fill me with a feeling of calmness that, along with the candles themselves, seemed to last for eons. Nowadays they run out so fast! Now all I’m left with is a reminder that everything ends.

Has the world simply become a much bleaker place? Or am I just massively unfulfilled by what my life has become? Either way, someone in this KitchenAid Toaster Department has a lot of explaining to do.