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Gold Digger? My Wife Is Demanding I Pay Back All the Money I Owe Her

If you think giving women credit cards in 1974 and making spousal rape a crime in 1993 would be enough liberation for one century, you would be wrong. Some women won’t be satisfied until they’ve taken you for every penny you owe them.

When I found out my wife was only staying married to me so I could repay the massive debt I owed her, I was devastated. She didn’t strike me as a money-grubber, especially since she knows I haven’t been steadily employed since 2012, but it just goes to show, you can’t truly trust anyone.

In the beginning, it was all thoughtful gifts and expensive dinners, but the most romantic thing she does now is pay for my car insurance since she’d “rather die” than let me drive her car. Apparently after two DUIs, no one trusts you behind the wheel of an automobile anymore. I guess all that “in sickness and in health” stuff didn’t include my addiction to Twisted Tea and poor impulse control.

I’m sure when the divorce proceedings are set in motion, she’ll magically forget about all those two times I bought her lunch with the money I earned stealing a tip jar from a coffee shop and the countless nights I let her work overtime and was forced to order myself a pizza.

Luckily, this isn’t my first time dealing with a shameless greedmonger. One day your partner is politely asking you to pay your portion of the rent “whenever you can” and the next she’s taking out a life insurance policy on you before bringing you on a long hike where she’ll ask you to pose for a scenic picture on the edge of a suspiciously lethal looking cliff.

This betrayal should hardly come as a surprise since I know a couple of her ex-boyfriends whom she also scammed into paying back the money they owed her, but I never imagined I’d be her latest extortion victim. My friends tried to warn me she was only staying married to me for her money, but I was just a young naive 37-year-old man then. If I’m not careful, she couldn’t end up taking me for everything she’s worth.