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My Girlfriend Shaved The Sides of Her Head So I Guess I’m Bisexual Now

Well, it happened. My girlfriend shaved both sides of her head which I assume makes us, and therefore me, bisexual. I’m no expert on modern gender studies but, pretty sure that’s how this works. Son of a bitch.

I understand the idea of reinventing oneself but couldn’t she do it in a way that did not affect me so greatly? What ever happened to the old fashioned days when women wanted a change and they would just have a baby, or abandon all their loved ones in the middle of the night and move to Europe leaving behind only a goodbye letter scented in their perfume? Simpler times.

Look, I’m supportive so I’m just going to accept this as it is. I mean yeah, on our first couple dates she would say things like, “I don’t see gender” and, “I’ll probably get a gender fluid haircut in the next few weeks.” I just didn’t know she actually meant all the stuff she was vehemently saying. Like, when she said, “would you still love me if I were a man?” and I said, “yes,” I thought that was just pillow talk! But here we are.

As for me, I won’t lie. I want the “American Dream”: the white picket fence, the tire swing, semi-playful arguments about my drinking. But the more I talk to my girlfriend the more I’m realizing that we can’t have a white picket fence because we no longer “see color” and that a tire swing is out of the question because it somehow represents slavery.

Related: I Missed Being in a Band, So I Started Dating Five People Who Hate Each Other


We may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, or anything for that matter, but I do know the love is there. Last week I watched her ficus as she went out of town to go to a drum circle in protest of not using tampons or whatever. If you knew my Sasha you’d know she doesn’t just let anyone near her ficus. Clearly we have reached the next level in our relationship and I am not about throw that away just because I may have to perform sexual acts that physically repulse me.

There are even plans in the works of her meeting my conservative parents next week. It’s exciting but I already know I’m going to have to explain to them why my girlfriend has the same haircut as Louie, my 35-year-old cousin who is an aspiring club DJ.

Article By: Zac Townsend

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