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My Girlfriend Keeps Talking About The Cramps but Can’t Even Name One of Their Albums

It’s cute, really, but I’m just not sure about her dedication to this relationship if she’s not even going to learn what she’s talking about.

It’s like once a month or so she’ll sit around crying and say stupid shit like, “Oh my God, I can’t stand The Cramps” or, “The Cramps suck so bad, you just wouldn’t get it.” And yeah, I don’t get it, because The Cramps rule. Once I asked her if it’s because “Can Your Pussy Do the Dog?” comes off as offensive or something and she just looked confused. Seriously? You don’t even know THAT song?

I wish that was the only time but this is a constant and repeating thing. I’m honestly sick and tired of this behavior. If the punkest thing about her is that she is dating me, then this is not going to work. A few months ago, on the way to her sister’s wedding she kept talking about “The Ceremony,” everyone knows it’s just “Ceremony.”

Look, I understand that I’m always going to be the better half of any relationship. I’m only 28 and have an ’89 Honda Accord that starts almost every time. I also got this sweet spot in the basement of my dad’s place, which is always clean because he has a maid that comes three times a week. That’s almost as often as maids clean hotels, so I guess you could say everyday is like a vacation with me. I’m also pretty damn thoughtful. I buy ribbed condoms, I barely flirt in front of her, and whenever she needs a ride or something I always have a pretty good excuse for not doing it.

To top it all off, she’s thanked in the liner notes of the demo of every band I’m in. For those keeping count, that’s two bands.

Clearly, I’m a caring partner and all I’m just asking is that my girlfriend at least learns stuff about these bands. I do it because I care and I want to see her be better than she is. I’ve always been told to never fall in love with a person’s potential but this girl can be perfect once she just listens to every band I do. I just hope she reaches that potential before she turns 18 next month.