Hell yeah! You know that hole in the ozone layer everyone was talking about when you were a kid in the ‘90s? You could barely turn on Nickelodeon without some obnoxious commercial mentioning it while it was pleading with you to stop polluting, or go to school without some dickwad visiting scientist telling you and your buddies about it during some bullshit assembly. Well, guess what? I haven’t heard anybody mention it in recent memory, so I’m assuming the issue just kind of fixed itself.
Fucking awesome!
That’s right! As far as I’m concerned, we can go back to not thinking about the ozone layer and any damage the human race may or may not have done to it. You know what that means: all that recycling you’ve been doing that makes you feel good but is a total pain in the ass? You can probably forget about it and just toss your non-disposables on the ground, Mad Men style. You’re welcome.
Do I have any idea what caused the hole in the first place, what its current status is, or even what ozone is? No, and I never claimed to. I’m just noting that I haven’t really heard mention of it for quite some time. It could be that it’s still every bit the problem that it was three decades ago, but has simply been superseded by the much more pressing threat of global warming, but until that is confirmed (in a way that requires no action on my part), I will just continue to assume that we’re in the clear. Honestly, what harm is there in that?
Speaking of global warming, it’s been maybe a few months since I heard anything about that either. Now, by no means am I an impulsive person, so I’m not going to do anything rash like assume that that’s no longer an existential dilemma after just a few months of silence. No, I’ll have to give that maybe another year or so before I state that humanity can just move on. I’m not an idiot.
Let’s face it: the world is pretty shitty right now, so we should take wins wherever we can get them, so come on and celebrate! I, for one, plan on emptying some aerosol hairspray into the air for the hell of it. Who’s with me?
