Baby, you know I love you and I love our relationship. But something has been eating at me and I have to ask you flat out…are you only with me because of my dreads?
I remember it like it was yesterday, the day I came home with my dreads. It was the ultimate sexy surprise. You were so excited that you couldn’t speak. When you started crying I knew that I had done something really special for our relationship.
But it’s been three months since I’ve unleashed my dreads and you’re still intimidated by how good I look. You’re jealous of my ability to immediately show off my personality, edginess and cultural sensibilities without even having to speak. You don’t invite me to things with you because you’re scared of other women hitting on me in front of you. You’re so horny around me that you can’t even have sex with me anymore.
If this relationship is going to work we can’t keep living in this reality where you’re putting me on this kind of pedestal. I want you to be at the top wth me.
I know I haven’t been perfect. I’m truly sorry for going to that Dispatch concert at Coney Island on your birthday. You know how much live music means to me babe. It literally said that on my Bumble profile. I’m sorry I called you a bitch when I got one of my dreads stuck in the blow dryer the other day. It was a truly life threatening situation. There was this guy I read about in Boise who died on a roller coaster because he got one of his dreads ripped out, so it’s not that fucking funny.
I think we’ve hit a rough patch in our relationship and I will do anything to fix it. Do you want me to grow my dreads longer? I will do that. Do you want me to pay for you to also get dreads? Yes of course, we’ll go half on it. I’m just really scared that this relationship is going to fizzle out and we’ll break up. I don’t want you to let me get away and start dating some beautiful bikini model. I really want this to work babe, but you gotta help me.