Greetings, citizens! As our great state takes the bold step of legalizing marijuana this year, I am thrilled to announce that this city will be allowing the retail sale of cannabis. And with that comes a nice chunk of tax revenue. But don’t worry, we’re going to use that money well. Mostly to increase our police force, making sure we torpedo any hard-fought gains for our communities that have been disproportionately harmed by marijuana arrests.
Look, our cops have been pretty busy these past few years. At one point, it seemed like maybe they were going to have to cut back on their murdering. But fortunately, that wasn’t the case, and now we’re gonna need to expand the force some more.
Now, you might try to tell me that the taxes we collect from our legal cannabis establishments should be used for other town needs like the library, the schools, or maybe even the pothole-riddled roads. Everyone wants good roads, right? Not having your tires blow out every time you try to go to the grocery store should be apolitical.
All of those are fine ideas. But not as important as giving more money to our police officers. Just imagine how many arrests they can make with more funding, especially now that they have to plant drugs on people that are more expensive than weed.
They’re gonna have to get creative. Maybe they’ll use that sweet tax money to pad out the yearly civil rights lawsuit defense budget. However they use the money, the point is cannabis legalization is a HUGE step for our fine city. It’s a chance to change the narrative. To empower our communities. And, above all, to make sure our police officers can buy whatever cool new murder toys they want.