Since my transformation from a nice guy (but like, a legit actual nice guy) to a certified male feminist last week, I’ve been viewing everything through freshly woke eyes. Even porn! Now I don’t know about you, but I’m beginning to think porn can be a little demeaning towards women. Particularly women who’ve exited their “prime” years and are immediately classified as MILFs (Mothers I’d Like to Fuck). This is a vile, objectifying term that devalues mothers and any other woman over the age of 25 (gross!).
As a male feminist, I don’t think of them as mothers I’d like to fuck. I mean, I do, but that’s not all I view them as. I value MILFs for their strength, kind nature, wisdom, and of course, their sweet, sweet mom-butts. That’s why I see them as “Matriarchs I’d Like to Fuck.”
Now get out of that mini-van, take off those mom jeans (sorry, Matriarch jeans), and spank me, mommy!
Websters dictionary defines “ally” as “a state formally cooperating with another for a military or other purpose.” So speaking as an ally, I’m bothered by how problematic the currently accepted “MILF” acronym is. It reinforces patriarchal notions that women of advanced age should only be recognized for their childbearing abilities every time I bust out the lotion. After all, you never hear about BWILFs (Business Women I’d Like to Fuck) or SPILFs (Scientific Pioneers I’d Like to Fuck) or CWSMTILFs (Congress Women Serving Multiple Terms I’d Like to Fuck). You can’t find those anywhere! Well, unless those categories are on pay sites. Those are equally problematic to me but for an entirely different reason.
Just as women have fought to become business leaders, scientists, and elected representatives, they’re still lumped under the banner of “MILF” when it comes to jerking off. This is disgraceful. We need equal representation between all women-of-a-certain-age in the workplace AND in the jerkplace!
However, I must admit there’s logic in this categorical simplicity. A video titled “CWSMTILF AOC FemDom ATM to BS” is quite the mouthful. However, the women in porn should not have to bear the weight of this load. The emotional labor should fall on ME, an ally who’s just lucky enough to get to watch this powerful, sexy Matriarch dom the literal piss out of an old guy dressed as Bernie Sanders.
In many ways we owe our civilization to an unbroken lineage of strong women, toiling sexily in the shadows of patriarchy, seductively luring us into more enlightened times. They’re not just our mothers, but stewards of civilization and it’s time we honored how hot that is. These are mothers and, yes, that is important. But more importantly, they’re matriarchs too. And most importantly I want to fuck them.