TWO shirts? Are you kidding me? Haven’t you heard about all the inflation going on right now? And you know the merch is more expensive because the venues are taking a cut too, right? Obviously, only the elites are safe, but I had no idea they hang out at punk bars by the railroad tracks! I bet your biggest problem is deciding which yacht you’ll drive to the show because you clearly aren’t semi-bankrupting yourself paying for childcare, tickets, merch, and two PBRs on the same paycheck.
Since you’re unaware of your privilege, here are 5 economic disparities you’re immune from since you can afford two shirts at the merch booth.
You know not everyone lives in a palace, right? It’s unlikely you can afford extra merch because you’re couch-hopping or about to get evicted for doing something stupid like spending your rent money on tee shirts. Must. Be. Nice.
You can purchase clothes in bulk, so you’ll have no problem layering up when the next ice age happens. While the rest of us use paper sacks and dog pelts to protect us from the arctic apocalypse, you’ll be toasty in your cashmere Periphery crewneck and leopard skin Knocked Loose longsleeve. Who cares about nuclear winter when you’ve got high-end merch?
Your family has a hall named after them at Yale, and it shows. While everyone else was wearing hand-me-down sneakers in elementary school, you were shopping at Shoe Carnival. I bet you even had a pair of rain boots and actual OshKosh B’Gosh overalls. Asshole.
Wait! You got stickers, too?! buying $40 worth of shirts plus stickers in one stop means you regularly feast like a king. There’s no way you ate less food every night this week to be sure you could buy some band tees and a couple of cheap beers tonight.
Is that a record under your arm?! Holy fuck! You know, women and people of color often make less than their white, cishet, male counterparts?! If I, an unemployed white male with a criminal record and unchecked mental health problems, can’t afford it, you must be a part of the upper 1%.
I bet you even tipped the merch guy, didn’t you? You know what, I hope those shirts fit you like shit, you rich bastard.