Weeknights are busy. You come home after a long and hellish day of being told what to do by people you don’t respect…and now your stomach is rumbling? Perfect. Time to figure out what will fuel you for the next depression-riddled maze we call “tomorrow.”
Let’s be honest, the only thing that sounds appetizing lately is the idea of clawing your own eyeballs out and popping them like gushers while you sob blood. That’s why this meal plan is magic! See below for some easy AND appetizing dinners you won’t want to miss.
Bon appetit!
Below you’ll find an accompanying shopping list you shouldn’t share with anyone else:
– 5 Whole Rotisserie Chickens
– Absolutely 0 (zero) utensils
– 1 unhealed heart
WEEKDAY MEAL PLAN:
Monday: A historically horrible day of the week deserves nothing short of a carnal experience. Dive into one of those…how many days old? No – it doesn’t matter – chickens until you’re sucking the smallest bone dry.
Tuesday: Another case of the terrible Tuesdays? Why make it harder? Just use your hands to decimate a whole entire rotisserie chicken you got at Walmart.
Wednesday: It’s Hump Day, isn’t it? Why not get off while you eat a whole-ass rotisserie chicken and watch Traitors? It’s not not fun.
Thursday: You’re so close – Why stop now? Grab one of those hens, dress it up, and kiss it before ripping her apart.
Friday: More like FriYAY! You deserve a big meal after all your hard work. You know what? Probably best if you don’t start thinking about what you do and do not deserve. For now, it’s time for you to go absolutely HAM on a whole entire fowl eaten with just your hands and no utensils.
I can’t help but come back to this time and time again, no matter how much my loved ones beg me not to. I can guarantee that once you experience ravaging a carcass it will become both your greatest joy, as well as your greatest point of shame. And isn’t tha the most appetizing combo of all?