First things first, have a seat! Ha! Little joke I like to make to people I hogtie to my wondrous collection of barber chairs. I’m not your run-of-the-mill serial killer. I like to have fun and appreciate the arts while I follow the commands of the voices. And this time, I’m in a music mood.
Here are 1,001 albums that will play in this concrete bunker before I end your life. We absolutely have to start with the essentials. I’m talking about The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, and Ashlee Simpson. We’ll tackle their entire discographies but I loathe repeats so we’ll skip any greatest hits compilations. B-sides and demos are fair play though. I know, I know, there’s no reason to yell about it. Seriously, stop screaming. No one can hear you down here. Anyways, b-sides can provide some seriously deep insight into the evolution of an artist.
Once we get through the standards, we enter my favorite part of the collection — obscure gems that I think are under-appreciated. I’m talking extremely limited krautrock vinyl, Seattle grunge bands who never signed to majors, music inspired by My Little Pony, and others. This is stuff Pitchfork WISH they knew about. They’ll rue the day they never responded to my unsolicited 10/10 review of Radiohead’s Pablo Honey. It’s their masterwork and appears no less than 7 times in this 1,001 album list.
After that comes everyone’s favorite music for working and studying- soundtracks! Most of my soundtracks are royalty-free loops and recordings used for corporate presentations, which are so underrated. It’ll make you long for your cubicle job where I lured you into my furniture truck. But no, I will kill you first.
Before we hit the final stretch, I like to play a little goof on my victims in the form of rapper Lil B’s entire discography. 61 albums, mixtapes, and EPs. I still can’t decide if he’s some misunderstood genius or just looney.
And for the final 34 albums you must hear before I fucking gut you? Why, the music of yours truly! Not many people know this but before I became a prolific and evasive serial killer, I dabbled in early 2010’s chillwave bedroom dreampop. Trust me- once you hit my Greatest Motherfucker Alive EP, you’ll be ready for me to fucking kill you.