Every human has basic desires: the need for shelter, human touch, and access to Presidential Mukbang streams. It’s only natural that in the year of…
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — Local man Vincent Metcalf quit his longtime dream of becoming a con artist to become a con accountant, confirmed sources who…
BOCA CHICA, Texas — Local businessman and investor Elon Musk presented his clear vision of the future where humanity thought of him as the worst…
NEW YORK — Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz recently revealed that he has been practicing for the debate with J.D. Vance by competing against a…
It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday, which is the time of the week I get particularly randy. My name is Bob Powell, and I have…
CHARLESTON, S.C. — Estranged husband and wife lifestyle influencer couple known as “The Wilsons” announced they had reconciled and agreed to stay together for the…
WHEELING, W. Va. — Local conservative Jerry Wardmore repeatedly stated that Vice President Kamala Harris’ proposed ban on grocery price-gouging is “downright communist” despite complaining…
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, kinks were very much alive and well. The struggle against the Empire is so all-consuming…
RICHMOND, Va. — Banished Scumdogs of the Universe and legendary heavy metal band GWAR are reportedly planning on releasing a limited edition custom bidet that…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Scientists at M.I.T’s prestigious Zoom Studies Lab reportedly identified the first online meeting to begin without terrible, meaningless small talk. “Observations on…
It’s 2024. Inflation has hit all aspects of the economy, corporate layoffs continue in mass, and Red Lobster’s bottomless shrimp option has effectively help them…
RICHMOND, Va. – The nation’s coworkers reportedly resolved to hold an extended conversation in the general area outside the employee bathroom at the exact time…
To quote President Joe Biden, we’re in uncharted territory. The 2024 presidential election is shaping up to be one of the most unorthodox races in…
Meet Kevin Buchanan, a self-identifying feminist ally who also holds the record for the most hours that someone has ever spent watching Tik Toks of…
The abacus. The dodo bird. The shopping mall. It’s natural for aspects of everyday life to become extinct. Luckily, your father refuses to shop online,…