Dog Doesn’t Like Fireworks “Because of What They Represent”
CHICAGO — Local pooch Hamburger is reportedly hiding under his home’s kitchen table from Fourth of July fireworks, not due…
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Sarah Cortina — Page 2
19 stories found
How I Celebrated Pride Month By Calling My Gay Cousin Just My Cousin
Pride month is almost over, and you might be wondering how I celebrated these past few weeks. Well, I did…
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Justin Timberlake Writes Entire Album About How Long Island Iced Tea Is a Lying Whore
SAG HARBOR, NY — Justin Timberlake announced his next album will be about how the popular alcoholic beverage Long Island…
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New FAFSA Forms Simply Asks Students “Do You Ski?”
WASHINGTON —The Department of Education announced that next year's FAFSA application will be simplified to only ask students “Do you…
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New Disney Movie Teaches Kids The Magical Whimsy of Maximizing Shareholder Value
BURBANK, Calif. — Disney announced at their latest board meeting that their latest film would teach kids the real-world magic…
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Man With Bisexual Girlfriend Super Excited for International Women’s Day
LOS ANGELES — Local man Paul Jones admitted he is thrilled to celebrate the most important woman in his life…
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Ethical Non Monogamy? I Flirted With My Barista’s Replacement
Well, I’ve gotten to the stage that everyone gets to at some point in their relationship. The part where you…
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How I Ended My Financial Stress by Removing Any and All Sources of Dopamine From My Budget
Well, it’s time to grow up, and that means budgeting. When I realized my credit score was supposed to be…
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Next “Saw” Installment Features Jigsaw Forcing Victim to Break-In Docs for Two Weeks
LOS ANGELES — Exclusive insider reports revealed that the eleventh film in the “Saw” franchise will feature Jigsaw torturing his…
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