October 9, 2023
We've all heard it before: guitar is easy to play, difficult to master, especially for chronic masturbators. However, some of…
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October 5, 2023
Around here, we’re suckers for a feel-good story, but this one really got the waterworks going for us. Dogs may…
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October 4, 2023
For countless, immeasurable eons, we Cenobites have watched humanity and all your little joys and tiny torments. We are demons…
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October 3, 2023
When we think of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 masterpiece, The Shining, we all only think of one thing: the actor…
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September 30, 2023
CHICAGO — Taylor Swift concertgoer Noah Nussbaum was torn into dozens of bloody chunks of meat by dark, shrieking shadows…
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September 19, 2023
CHICAGO — Thirty-eight-year-old millennial and grocery store manager Tyler Bretlin was shocked to vividly re-experience the iconic opening credits scene…
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September 14, 2023
PATERSON, N.J. — Local punk and high school junior Terry Probost, who often claims to miss the grimy, dangerous, pre-Guiliani…
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September 13, 2023
SALEM, Ore. — Local father of four and avid collector of vinyl records Douglas Buckner is unsure whether his children…
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September 11, 2023
EUGENE, Ore. — Arthur “Sweaty” Grant, a punk physical education teacher at Churchill High School, expressed that incoming freshman student…
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September 10, 2023
Few rock stars have successfully moved through as many artistic phases as St. Vincent, from the pretentiously complex chamber pop…
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