Is there anything better than a grilled cheese? That crisp, butter-soaked bread, the gooey, stretchy cheese, the divine pairing of a cup of tomato soup…
EUGENE, Ore. — Leo Radler, a bartender at local pub The Swampland, is completely unaware that many of the regular patrons of his place of…
CHICAGO — An undetected and increasingly dangerous leak from a gas main at the Rogers Park punk house, known informally as “The Shitbox,” is the…
Remember the Noid? In the 1980s, he ruined pizza, insofar as Domino’s can be ruined any more than it already is by simply existing. That…
Ever since the little blue creatures originally known as “Les Schtroumpfs” were introduced in a Belgian comic book for weirdos in 1958, humanity has had…
The Star Trek franchise mostly takes place centuries from now, when humanity has rid itself of its worst instincts, gotten its shit together, and passive-aggressively…
PATERSON, N.J. — Jeff Ackres, a prominent adult virgin, is currently deciding between tempting recruitment offers from both the involuntary celibate community and the fandom…
“The O.C.” is one of the defining teen dramas of the early 2000s, an epic tale of class differences, growing up, corruption, and that time…
We’ve all heard it before: guitar is easy to play, difficult to master, especially for chronic masturbators. However, some of the most ass-kicking riffs in…
Around here, we’re suckers for a feel-good story, but this one really got the waterworks going for us. Dogs may be man’s best friends, but…
For countless, immeasurable eons, we Cenobites have watched humanity and all your little joys and tiny torments. We are demons to some, angels to others.…
When we think of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 masterpiece, The Shining, we all only think of one thing: the actor who played the guy in…
CHICAGO — Taylor Swift concertgoer Noah Nussbaum was torn into dozens of bloody chunks of meat by dark, shrieking shadows in front of shocked onlookers…
CHICAGO — Thirty-eight-year-old millennial and grocery store manager Tyler Bretlin was shocked to vividly re-experience the iconic opening credits scene of the early 2000s teen…
PATERSON, N.J. — Local punk and high school junior Terry Probost, who often claims to miss the grimy, dangerous, pre-Guiliani New York City, is actually…