Kyle Erf, Author at HARDTIMES

Death Cab Not for Cutie, Actually for Someone Named Mark

August 31, 2017

[caption id="attachment_13848" align="aligncenter" width="1702"] Pre-sale tickets available now.[/caption] SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — A recently summoned Death Cab was not intended…

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FBI Criticized for Violent, 51-Day Siege of Polyphonic Spree Compound

August 31, 2017

DALLAS — The FBI’s Hostage Rescue Team was condemned by civil liberties advocates today for their “needless use of force”…

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SEGA Refuses to Reveal Which Body Part Sonic Puts the Rings In

August 18, 2017

Despite decades of questioning, SEGA, the producers of the Sonic franchise, have reiterated that they will not answer one of…

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College Buddhist Achieves Nirvana Poster

August 15, 2017

HAMILTON, N.Y. — Colgate University freshman and practicing Buddhist Devin Fredericks achieved a spiritual milestone last week after purchasing a…

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Stoner Metal Band Just Regular Metal Band While Interviewing for Jobs

August 13, 2017

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Local stoner metal band Soundmurder are making “painful” sacrifices to accommodate a tedious, sober search for a…

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Wedding Band Gets Cold Feet

August 9, 2017

SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Newly-formed cover band The Good Beats is having second thoughts about playing the afternoon wedding reception…

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Vintage Tube Amp Perfect Place to Set Down Drink

August 8, 2017

LOS ANGELES — A vintage ’70s-era McIntosh MC2100 tube amplifier, as well as several other priceless pieces of music gear…

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Mega Man Forced to Absorb Power of Squirrel He Ran Over

August 6, 2017

RIDGEWOOD, N.J. — Mega Man was interrupted during routine weekend errands when his van hit and killed a squirrel that…

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Dead Punk Buried in Suit Like Some Kind of Sellout

July 30, 2017

BALTIMORE — A faction of mourners gathered this morning to honor the memory of recently deceased punk Pat Ricci were…

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Goth Finishes Third Lint Roller This Week

July 25, 2017

CLEVELAND — Local goth Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski used an entire three-pack of lint rollers in just five days, according to…

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