CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police sources confirmed from inside Kelly’s…
ASHLAND, Ore. — A throng of mourners were reportedly horrified yesterday when it was revealed that Ajay Bhatt, inventor of the USB port, had been…
No matter how many gallons of twenty-somethings’ blood we inject, everybody still gets old and shitty. That goes double for so-called “classic songs.” Just because…
BELLEVUE, Wash. — In response to a number of controversial games being sold on their store, Valve has updated its guidelines for Steam, rescinding any…
Success in the music industry is less about talent and more about who you know. More specifically, it’s about who you know and are able…
DENVER — Scientists have announced the discovery of a clear, 100% correlation between the stunning board game skill of sophomore college student Steven Jackson and…
Do you ever get the feeling like you were destined for something more? When you take a long, hard look at your gorgeous wife, three…
Night after night, Michael listens to you sheeple on his bunker’s short-wave radio breathlessly claiming there’s no reason a mentally stable person would ever need…
BOSTON — After five brutal hours of incessant, imaginative bitching, the well-documented hater of “fruity-ass board games,” Sam Daniels, secured victory with an unexpected capture…
NEW YORK — Marvel announced a black-and-white coloring book edition of Avengers so readers can turn popular superheroes like Thor into whatever the hell race…
TOPEKA, Kan. — Ignoring the whistling rifle rounds threatening to prematurely end his 27-minute gaming session, freelance graphic designer Jaiden Thompson reportedly couldn’t bring himself…