Jordan Breeding, Author at HARDTIMES

April 18, 2019

FAIRBANKS, Alaska — Obvious alcoholic and general mess of a human being Jerrold Long announced today that he will spend…

April 15, 2019

PARIS — Local legend and longtime Notre-Dame resident Quasimodo will now be known as “The Hunchback of Holiday Inn” after…

March 22, 2019

PHILADELPHIA — The Pennsylvania State Legislature introduced a bill this week proposing an additional tax on violent video games, in…

February 10, 2019

LOS ANGELES — In an effort to bolster declining viewership, the six-time Super Bowl-winning New England Patriots will perform during…

October 23, 2018

NEW YORK — Emaciated Rockstar Games’ programmer, Cassie Collier, revealed to Kotaku writer Jason Schreier that every tombstone in the…

October 15, 2018

CHICAGO — Noted rhythm-and-blues singer Robert Sylvester “R.” Kelly announced the impending release of an all-new hostage today, undercover police…

September 28, 2018

ASHLAND, Ore. — A throng of mourners were reportedly horrified yesterday when it was revealed that Ajay Bhatt, inventor of…

August 10, 2018

No matter how many gallons of twenty-somethings’ blood we inject, everybody still gets old and shitty. That goes double for…

July 3, 2018

BELLEVUE, Wash. — In response to a number of controversial games being sold on their store, Valve has updated its…

May 28, 2018

Success in the music industry is less about talent and more about who you know. More specifically, it’s about who…

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