CHICAGO — Area hobbyist Keith James spent the majority of yesterday evening referring to his solo operation as a “Brewing Company,” moments after serving a…
LOS ANGELES — A discouraged Hans Zimmer closed out the GarageBand tab on his long-delayed ska album to begin work on another stupid movie score…
Despite what your self-help podcast might say, it’s very easy to have too much of a good thing. No truer is this than in Hollywood,…
CARBONDALE, Ill. — Area woman Meg Sebastian conceded that she would “check out Primus” in a desperate bid to end what she would later call…
Hey bud, sorry to interrupt your kneeling sesh or whatever this, but we kind of need this spot. Sure it’s your dad’s grave and all,…
Covid has killed over 700 thousand Americans since the beginning of 2020. Unfortunately, my beloved uncle Lee became another statistic last night. I appreciate the…
NEW YORK — Tony’s Tracksuits CEO Anthony Dante announced this morning that the tracksuit industry’s image “will never recover” from the success of Netflix’s latest…
TOMS RIVER, N.J. — Middle-schooler Gavin Dirnt caught up on the beloved HBO series “The Sopranos” by watching his Italian friend’s parents fight over the…
CHICAGO — Dad Belly frontman Blake Thomas was shocked to discover that he had never actually heard longtime drummer Sophie McDonald speak until the band’s…
Woah, woah, woah. Anchors down. Full stop. Just because I have mutton chops and happen to be standing on a ship while wearing a captain’s…
Despite being a major campaign promise, student debt cancellation of any kind was noticeably absent from President Biden’s recently proposed $6 trillion national budget. The…
HOLLYWOOD — Shortly after its acquisition by Amazon, MGM and Eon Productions announced this morning that the next James Bond film will follow the titular…
CHICAGO — Local bassist Tim Bolz announced this morning that he has “still got it” after remembering how to play a wildly incorrect version of…
My son’s hazing death was tragic and terrifying. No parent should ever have to bury their child. But was it surprising? Not at all. Let’s…
Lowering infection rates, more vaccinations and a healthy crowd of people inside Applebee’s can only mean one thing; Quarantine is ending! The return to normalcy…