Guy Somehow Even More Unbearable After Going to Therapy
NEW YORK — Local neurotic Lenny Malone discovered a range of new, worse ways to be insufferable after spending months…
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Frederick O'Brien
9 stories found
Impossible To Tell if Man Genuinely Cheerful or Burying Some Really Heavy Shit
NOWTHEN, Minn. — Local 32-year-old Reginald Watts left friends, neighbors, co-workers, casual acquaintances, and passing strangers with the same uneasy…
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Scientists Confirm Democrat Lawmakers’ Spines Are Softest Naturally Occurring Material on Earth
BOSTON, Mass. — Scientists confirmed that Democrat lawmakers’ spines are by far the softest material on the planet, and quite…
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The Art of Forgiving Yourself for Your Mistakes While Holding Other People’s Against Them Forever
I used to be consumed by anger and shame whenever I made mistakes, all the while giving others the benefit…
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Beautiful: Band and Audience Connect Over Desire for Gig to Be Over
PLANO, Texas — An incredible meeting of souls occurred last night as Christian punk band The Chastity Pistols and their…
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Devastating: Band Still Has a Couple More Songs for You
CHICAGO — Local shoegaze band The Distant Star announced that they were intending to perform a couple more songs, ruining…
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Henry Kissinger Masterminds First Regime Change in Hell
HELL — The underworld is in chaos after a coup d'état orchestrated by the late American diplomat Henry Kissinger sent…
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Self-Described “Free Spirit” Gets Suspiciously Irritable When Asked How They Pay Rent
BOISE, Idaho — Independent thinker and free spirit Bodun Haze became mysteriously defensive when conversation at a house party shifted…
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Shit! I Asked This Guy How He’s Doing And Now He’s Telling Me
I knew going into the office kitchenette was a mistake. I foolishly exchanged pleasantries with someone from accounting, I think…
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