Ready to Feel Old? You’ve Been Dead for 30 Years October 20, 2017 These days it seems like we’re all starting to feel a little creaky in the knees. Remember when the kid… Read More →
Where Are They Now? Your God October 10, 2017 Ever wonder what happened to your God? It seemed like he was EVERYWHERE in ’80s and ’90s, but today, as… Read More →
Millennial Sociopath Completely Devoid of Emojis October 10, 2017 NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 26-year-old Marcus Quinn, giving the appearance of a normal Millennial man on the surface, is completely… Read More →
Stop Complaining About the Removal of Confederate Statues and Start Helping Me Build New Ones September 29, 2017 I’m sick and tired of hearing all these bullshit arguments against the removal of confederate monuments in our country. Whether… Read More →
Audiophile Forced to Register on Website, Identify Self to Neighbors September 24, 2017 NEW YORK — Registered audiophile Marshal Pengram was forced to identify himself to his new neighbors again last week, a… Read More →
Hey I’m Just Saying What Everyone’s Thinking, Except For Blacks, Jews, Immigrants, Liberals And Yankees Fans September 22, 2017 I’m at the deli orderin my sandwich, mindin my own business, and I notice the pair of tits behind the… Read More →
7 Werner Herzog Quotes to Let Her Know You’re a Wild Fuck Machine September 21, 2017 So after weeks of duds and missed connections you’re finally having a good date. You take her out to a… Read More →
Depressed David Blaine to Eat Never-Ending Breadsticks For Three Days at Untelevised Private Event September 21, 2017 NEW YORK — In a performance challenging the very definition of the word “event,” David Blaine will continually eat Olive… Read More →
David Bowie Emerges From Grave, Ending His ‘Celebrity Who Died in 2016’ Character September 20, 2017 LONDON — David Bowie stunned millions of fans yesterday, emerging from the tomb in seemingly peak physical condition and ending… Read More →
Brian Eno Releases Experimental, Extremely Targeted Album “Music for Waiting at the DMV on Your Birthday, Kevin” September 11, 2017 LOS ANGELES — Brian Eno released his latest album earlier this week, which Eno believes is the perfect soundscape for… Read More →