This Is Not a Time for Jokes — Guest Post by Chuck Norris
Hello internet. This is martial artist Chuck Norris. You know me from films such as The Delta Force, Invasion USA,…
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Dan Rice
589 stories found
Every Friday the 13th Movie Ranked by How Often It’s Used as an ICE Training Video
Slasher fans rejoice! Friday the 13th is upon us, that special day of the year (or two, or sometimes three…
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Trump Vows Next Bombing of Elementary School Will Have ‘Most Up-To-Date Intelligence Imaginable’
WASHINGTON — In the aftermath of the U.S. bombing of an Iranian girls' elementary school due to outdated military intelligence,…
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“People Die in War,” Shrugs Man Who Has Spent Hours Screaming About Trans Kids Playing Softball
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump, famous for his loud, impassioned tirades about such topics as high school trans athletes, the…
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Trump Fires Noem, Nominates Markwayne Mullin To Fuck Corey Lewandowski on Luxury Jets
WASHINGTON — President Trump will be firing Secretary of Homeland Security and nominating Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin to take over…
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Moo Deng Offers Punch the Monkey Advice on Fame, Small Bump of Coke
JAPAN — Former child animal star Moo Deng the hippo paid a visit to the Ichikawa City Zoo yesterday to…
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Donald Trump to Guest on “Celebrity To Catch a Predator”
WASHINGTON — Long-running pedophile sting show “To Catch a Predator” will be returning to the air next with a special…
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Tradition, Elegance, and the Height of Fashion: A Breakdown of Prince Andrew’s Lavish $100,000,000 Arrest Ceremony
It’s a great day to be a royal watcher! The arrest of former Prince Andrew for misconduct in the office…
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Legendary Character Actor Tom Noonan, Standing Behind You, Right Now, Dead at 74
Film fans across the country mourn today, learning that beloved actor Tom Noonan, known for roles such as Frankenstein in…
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Long Shot, but Would Anyone Like To Hang Out and Talk About Stoned Ape Theory With Me, Who Is, and I Cannot Stress This Enough, NOT a Racist?
Fringe theory used to be fun. You just sat around getting stoned for hours on end, speculating wildly about topics…
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