Tinder User’s Favorite Hobbies Mostly Just Vital Bodily Functions
BOCA RATON, Fla. — Debuting his brand-new dating profile, local Tinder user David Bloom, 29, advertised his long-held passions for…
Read More →
Ben Doyle
14 stories found
Guide: How to Trick Your Boyfriend Into Thinking He’s Letting You Win
Ever wanted to annihilate your boyfriend in video games without annihilating his fragile male ego? Well with these six simple…
Read More →
Crowdfunded Bottle Opener ‘Indestructible’ for Some Reason
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Designers of the hyper-masculine bottle opener, BottleBRUTALIZER, announced on Kickstarter earlier this week that the product…
Read More →
Resume Updated Two Minutes Into ‘Photoshop Basics’ Tutorial
OMAHA, Neb. — Local job seeker Brenna Reed updated her resume to include “proficient at Photoshop” roughly two minutes into…
Read More →
Smart Fridge Only Approachable Member of Friend’s Family
DURHAM, N.C. — During a recent visit to his friend’s house, Patrick Garrett found an LG InstaView ThinQ smart fridge…
Read More →
Single Viewer of Twitch Stream Under More Pressure Than Streamer
ROCKVILLE, M.D. — After accidentally clicking on “bigjeremygaming_33 plays minecraft (xbox) very funny,” local Twitch user Nathan Elbaum came to…
Read More →
Woman Alone in Own House Escapes to Fantasy of Being Alone in Own House
EAST BRUNSWICK, N.J. — After eating a quiet, solitary meal of Trader Joe’s frozen artichoke dip earlier this evening, 23-year-old…
Read More →
REPORT: Self-Driving Cars 95% Less Likely to Pull Off Sick Donuts in 7/11 Parking Lot
PALO ALTO, Calif. — A disheartening new report from Tesla concluded earlier this week that self-driving cars are still years…
Read More →
Friends Accidentally Touching Fingers While Passing Controller Forced to Imagine Life Together
BARNEGAT LIGHT, N.J. — Self-described platonic friends Nathaniel Hester and Dorian McIntosh were forced to imagine a saucy domestic fantasy…
Read More →
Man Wins Yet Another Round of Laser Tag Using Only Melee Attacks
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Undefeated laser tag champion Patrick Manzke won his fifty-second consecutive melee-only game this morning, leaving some opponents…
Read More →