HOUSTON — Confused guy and self-described “gym rat” Hunter Brooks habitually motioned today for a woman at a local Planet Fitness to remove her N95 face mask so that he could talk at her, according to astounded sources.
“I saw this fine-ass stacked chick working out over at the leg extension machine, so I figured it’d be a good time to say hi,” Brooks explained. “She had one of those masks on, though, and looked kinda in the zone, so I did the trusty ol’ ‘tappity-tap’ motion to get her to take it off so she could hear me. But instead of looking super-bothered like usual, she got up and just started squirting hand sanitizer all over herself. God, these girls are so stuck up in here — she wasn’t even that hot.”
The woman, Deer Park resident Angie Finkney, was equally irritated and confused.
“I don’t really know what happened there: some guy came over like he wanted to talk, but he just kept pointing at my mask and like, motioning for me to take it off,” Finkney recalled. “I could see him mouthing the words, ‘Hey, what’s up?’ but I didn’t hear him actually say anything. I just got the fuck away from him as fast as I could, and then snapped a pic of him from over by the water fountain to make fun of in a group chat.”
Behavioral anthropologist Dr. Jemima Whedon noted that the phenomenon of men attempting to communicate with uninterested women has been unphased by the COVID-19 pandemic.
“While most of society is adapting to ensure the safety of people everywhere in the face of this quickly-spreading disease, what hasn’t been affected are men’s tireless efforts to convince a woman to remove her headphones,” Dr. Whedon said. “Rather than find new ways to encroach on a person’s personal space, most subjects have simply continued to ask what they’re listening to, move closer while aggressively attempting to make eye contact, and just fucking stand there until something happens — despite the fact that nothing is obstructing the other person’s hearing.”
Brooks was last seen telling another masked woman leaving the gym that she’d be so much prettier if she tried smiling every once in a while.