Damnit! Oh no, oh fuck, I just hit Deerhoof with my car! Look, first of all, it’s been raining all weekend, the roads were really wet. And second, my brakes are really bad. Ed Rodriguez just appeared out of nowhere, even if I had swerved I still would have hit his amp stack. My car was fucked either way.
I was going fast enough that most of them didn’t suffer, for what that’s worth. I did have to call animal control to come check on Greg Saunier, he was flailing about looking pretty injured, but he was also keeping a pretty tight groove so I’ll let them determine if he needs to be put down or released into another supergroup with Zach Hill.
I can’t report this to my insurance company, they’ll total it with all this fiberglass damage. Oh man, they really trashed my front end, there’s shreds of drumsticks in the wheel well. And I’m not gonna hear the end of this from the indie community. Ugh, my sister’s boyfriend is gonna be pissed.
Hang on, I think I have a spare bulb in my trunk. I gotta change it out before I get pulled over for a broken headlight and they smell weed and/or find most of Deerhoof in my trunk. Deerhoof is out of season, man, I’m already gonna be in trouble with Pitchfork and Spin, I don’t want the game warden on my ass. Oh, good, I found the spare bulb, it was under John Dieterich.
I have a friend who teaches screaming at the local summer noise rock kids camp, she’s a big Satomi fan. I’m gonna see if they’ll take the meat the nourish the little campers. I’d hate for them to go to waste.
Not to sound paranoid but I was looking up headlight assemblies on Amazon and they suggested I buy a vinyl copy of “Milk Man” along with it. Does this happen to a lot of people? My cousin clipped Deerhunter once with her Prius but she just had to kick her bumper back into place.
Oh boy, the adrenaline is starting to wear off. I’m probably going to jail. But it was raining. Deerhoof just ran out in the middle of the road, man.