MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Google announced a new navigation mode for its popular Google Maps smartphone app yesterday, offering simulated dad-based directions that will consist solely of local shortcuts, a spokesperson confirmed.
“We’ve already brought you detailed road maps, business hours, and live traffic updates,” said Renee Morris, a public relations specialist at Google headquarters. “But now, we’re harkening back to what made us fall in love with driving directions in the first place: our dads telling us to take unexpected turns down various alleys and access roads.”
Software developers reportedly focused on realism in designing this new feature, which delivers turn-by-turn shortcut alerts through a selection of simulated dad-voice settings — including Annoyed, Impatient, Judgemental, and Nostalgic, among others.
“Through our customization options, you’ll be able to feel like a real dad is sitting right there in the car with you, inserting himself into every single aspect of your driving experience,” Morris said, displaying the voice options on a demo smartphone. “If you choose Nostalgic, for instance, Google Dad may tell you the story of the 1982 Little League baseball championship at the YMCA you were re-routed to cut behind. It sounds like this dad’s team got second place!”
The feature was targeted specifically toward users who spend time in a variety of cities, and might benefit from the localized knowledge only dads can provide.
“Yeah… the new mode been kind of useful, I guess. Especially when you adjust the settings to ‘Let’s get a move on’ mode, over the ‘It’s shorter, but those hills will cost you in gas’ route option,” said Billy Jax, frontman of touring hardcore band Moth Spine. “The shortcuts saved us almost 20 minutes on our trip to Chicago for a show last night — we ended up being only two hours late.”
While Google refused to speculate on future updates, rumored features to come include excessive speed indicators, all-Springsteen music playlists, and the widely anticipated ‘Jokes’ update.