WALLINGFORD, Conn. — Local 48-year-old data analyst and father of three Joel Lafleur has never left the Constitution State despite being a proud owner of a Jeep with a “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” tire cover, sources confirmed.
“I’m telling you, the Jeep lifestyle is where it’s at,” said Lafleur. “Whether it’s cruising around, doors off, giving the Jeep wave to other Jeep lovers, there’s nothing better than the open road, but not beyond a 15-mile radius of the town I grew up in and currently live. We got skiing, kind of. Wanna go hiking? There’s few mountains if you squint at them right. And, for the beach? Long Island Sound connects to the ocean. I mean, I’d travel farther, but that thing gets eight miles to the gallon on a good day. So I just don’t see it. Sure as shit not with the gas prices the way they are in Joe Biden’s economy.”
Seth Borecki, who has known Lafleur since elementary school, did not fully understand his friend’s obsession.
“Look, I’m not the type of guy to tell anybody what to do with their money. But I just can’t wrap my noodle around the concept of dropping close to a hundred gees, stock, for a Jeep that almost never leaves the block, let alone the state. And that’s not even counting the aftermarket mods,” Borecki said. “I mean, the other day he asked me to swing by with my truck to help haul out some brush. I figured his was in the shop—it is a Jeep after all. But, nah, that mall crawler was sitting right there with a fresh coat of wax. Just didn’t want to get it dirty. Come on!”
Jeep dealers across the nation shared a fondness for customers like Lafleur.
“People like Joel represent the very best of America,” responded Mark Legman, proprietor of pre-owned auto dealership and accessory store New England Jeep Empire. “What better way to show off that pioneer spirit than with a 10-inch lift, run-flat mud tires, or a custom chrome angry eyes grille that makes it look like The Punisher lives in your split-level ranch house. I tell ya, most of these guys I got to lure in with my rubber duck of the week club. But not good old Joel. He’s bought enough stuff from me over the years to cobble together two extra Rubicons. So what if he sticks to Connecticut? At the end of the day, it’s not where you take the Jeep…it’s where the Jeep takes you. And I don’t care where that is. Provided he keeps coming here, and brings his wallet.”
At press time, it has come to light that Lafleur’s reticence to venture past the borders of the Nutmeg State may have less to do with hometown pride and more with the conditions of his probation.
