BOULDER, Colo. — Zach Brinton, drummer of death metal band Putrefying Entrails, accidentally tossed his snare into the crowd instead of his sticks during a show at the Rocket Bar & Lounge, surprised sources report.
“Oh man, what was I thinking?” Brinton wailed as he buried his face in his hands. “We had just played ‘Force-Fed Decaying Human Skin’ as our encore, and I fully intended on tossing my sticks out to the audience, but instead I hefted up my snare drum and shot-putted it off of the stage. I can’t really see what happened because of the lights, but it didn’t sound good. I must’ve hurt someone because medical first responders showed up soon after. The show was going so well up to that point, too. I can’t believe I did that. My bandmates are going to be so pissed at me.”
Audience member Kayla Robinson was taken aback by Brinton’s behavior.
“I definitely was not expecting that,” Robinson said. “I know these guys have a pretty intense reputation, but this takes it to a new level. They used to bring rotting meat from local butchers and toss it into the audience, which was gross, but at least it wasn’t a physical danger to anyone. That girl the snare drum landed on doesn’t look too good, and not to mention it looked like the band’s drummer threw his back out picking it up. I hope they’re still going to be allowed to play in this venue.”
Venue owner Jack Stauffer was dismayed at what he saw.
“Christ, what a nightmare,” Stauffer observed. “I knew I might be making a mistake when I booked these guys, but I really like their music and knew they’d attract a large audience. I’m really regretting this now, though. I bet that snare did a lot of damage to the floor when it came down from the stage, and that girl it landed on might even sue the venue. Maybe she won’t if I offer to comp her drinks and convince the band to give her a free shirt or something. I mean, a concussion and a shattered collarbone isn’t that bad, right? Ugh, and I don’t even want to think about what this is going to do to my insurance rates. Putrefying Entrails won’t be playing here anytime soon, I can tell you that much.”
At press time, the band’s guitarist had accidentally tossed his Marshall speaker cabinet into the crowd instead of his pick.
