WASHINGTON — Scientists at the Brookings Institute happened upon an irrefutable link between those who feel compelled to send their friends AI videos and being a hopelessly socially deficient dweeb who is unable to gauge the atmosphere of their surroundings or the world around them.
“I’ve never seen findings this conclusive,” began Dr. Mia Reginald, the sociologist who spearheaded the study. “We had a large sample population, and all were given the opportunity and ease of infrastructure to send AI videos to their friends, in spite of how astonishingly repellent they are. We then would interview every participant after they were given the chance to send said videos. After months of rigorous, detailed observational and interactive studies, we noticed that every single person who opted to send AI content was indeed, a giant fucking doofus. Just a thick, inept goddamn dope that possessed absolutely no social skills or any necessary presence of mind that these modern times call for, whereas the subjects who didn’t send any AI content exhibited more or less normal amounts of assholery that you’d expect from your average citizen.”
Carl Bilgewater, a participant in the study and real fucking drag of a person, was eager to offer their perspective.
“Hey, man. These videos are cool. I love sending my friends these things! It’s like, there’s a little cat but it’s riding a motorcycle!” said Bilgewater. “I even took my money from the study to get a better subscription to ChatGPT and even scored a couple Louis CK tickets, too. The study was a nice break from the family, they never seem to like my cock jokes or whenever I wanna talk about my podcast about libertarianism at our Sunday dinners. Like, lighten up!”
Harland Gorkey, professor of social sciences at Harvard, offered grave warnings of the implications of Reginald’s discovery.
“These findings have ramifications that go well beyond the study,” said Gorkey. “If someone is this inept at reading the room, how are we to expect them to function in society long term? Fuck me, these fucking dorks are probably all going to have kids, too, and a gender reveal party that ends with 12 dead and a call to the fire department because they just had to use pyrotechnics in a forest during the dry summer season. Jesus Christ.”
As of time of printing, Bilgewater sent his family a total of 17 AI videos of his face on Rambo’s body doing pushups despite them all being upset that their grandfather just passed away.
