NEW YORK — While attending a friend’s high profile art show, local man Brian Jacobs was left dumbfounded after being unable to tell if the works were supposed to be surrealist or just flat out bad, gallery visitors have confirmed.
“Gavin has been hyping up his surrealist exhibit for so long and I just wanted to be a supportive friend but what the fuck am I looking at? Like this one, with the five-eyed fisherman holding a melting bowling ball. I mean sure it’s weird, but it looks like it was painted by a first grader,” said Jacobs. “I may only have a simple understanding of surrealism, but now I’m beginning to wonder if Gavin does as well, unless objects and people in his dreams also look like hot garbage. At least this shindig has an open bar.”
Artist-in-residence Gavin McCloud was excited his work was already creating a fierce discourse.
“I’ve been working on these pieces for nine months, and to see everyone have some passionate discussions about my work is incredibly validating. Everyone here is so shocked by the intensity of the paintings, they can barely make eye contact with me. What can I say, I’m very good at creating works that subvert rational thought,” said McCloud. “I can tell Brian is the most impressed. He keeps looking at me from across the room, shaking his head in disbelief. Don’t say anything, but I’m giving him that painting of the melting bowling ball when the show is over.”
Gallery owner Christine Morgan admitted to hosting exhibits of dubious quality.
“I want artists to view my gallery as a safe space to push the boundaries of avant garde, but sometimes a donor will hand me a six figure check and I will politely host their kid’s derivative work to justify their $90,000 art school bill, like tonight’s show,” said Morgan. “But even I feel bad when someone who doesn’t know Basquiat from their own butthole invites two dozen people to a surefire shit show. I’ve always advised if a friend calls them out to just say it’s all supposed to be ironically daub, and that the ambiguity of the art’s quality is the real art all along and then pray they don’t ask any follow up questions.”
As of press time, McCloud was visibly upset after Jacobs laughed in his face upon learning the cheapest painting had a $7,000 price tag.
