ALBUQUERQUE — Local 12-year-old audiophile Jimmy Johanson reportedly insists that famed accordion virtuoso “Weird Al” Yankovic’s music sounds “warmer” on vinyl, sources confirmed.
“There is no denying it, the only way to truly get the full Weird Al experience is to spin ‘Amish Paradise’ on a turntable. My friends say I’m nuts, but I think I just have a more refined taste for parody songs than my peers. I have always been inclined towards the finer things in life, like songs about Spam,” said Johanson as he cracked open a barrel-aged vintage Yoo-hoo chocolate drink. “There is a far greater dynamic range on the squelching noises in ‘Girls Just Want To Have Lunch’ that you simply cannot achieve through digital means.”
Johanson’s friends and family voiced their frustrations about the boy constantly bringing up his Weird Al vinyl collection and forcing them to listen to the musician’s various polka medleys.
“It is literally a guy playing accordion and singing about food; I really don’t see how you need to optimize the listening experience for that,” said Johanson’s lifelong best friend Harry Norman. “We have all been trying to get him to dial it down. I don’t know how much more I can take. Do you know how many times I have had to listen to ‘My Bologna’? I have full-blown PTSD flashbacks every time I go down the deli aisle now.”
Weird Al historian Dr. Michael Giacomo claims that listening to the parody artist exclusively on vinyl is actually a common practice dating back decades.
“Children possess superior hearing, which makes them prime candidates to absorb the lush sounds of ‘Dare To Be Stupid’ when played on vinyl through a top of the line sound system,” said Dr. Giacomo. “However, not every child will be able to parse the complex layered sounds; it takes a child with a very high IQ and a natural inclination towards the fine arts to recognize the intricacies of Alfred Yankovic’s work.”
At press time, Johanson’s friends and family were relieved that he had agreed to start using headphones instead of facing the speaker out his window and blasting it at full volume for the entire neighborhood to hear.
