PORTLAND, Ore. — Local barista Mark Redmound was fired from his barista position last month for failing to display his tattoo depicting “The Little Prince,” confirmed sources who began rolling up their sleeves in hopes to keep their jobs.
“I guess I forgot their policy that requires us to display all literary-related tattoos at all times, even on microdose breaks,” said Redmound, who has admittedly never even read the novella. “Not to mention I had bronchitis, but couldn’t call in sick because I’m behind on two months of rent. I figured it was okay to wear long sleeves just this one time. I made up for my lack of visible tattoos by showing my septum piercing. Yet still, my fake-ass manager had the audacity to call me out in front of all the customers at peak hour. I’m taking legal action.”
Manager Holly Raintree was more than willing to defend his actions.
“We believe in fairness and giving people the benefit of the doubt here at Village Bicycle. Despite his lack of service industry experience, Mark had a tattoo of the fox from ‘The Little Prince’ and that’s worth three years of barista experience alone,” Raintree commented before firing another employee for failing to display their tattoo of a nautical compass. “We have a reputation to maintain. It became clear that Mark is not the team player we thought he was when we hired him. Either way, he has lost his 10% off third Tuesdays employee discount privileges.”
Redmound is now seeking the legal services of local attorney Debra Fong.
“I have specialized in aesthetic-based wrongful termination cases for over 15 years, and when I saw Mark smoking a cigarette and crying across the street from my office, I knew right away,” said Fong while slurping ramen out of a leather boot. “When Maya told me he was fired for covering up the tattoo, I assured him it was at least the tenth wrongful termination case involving the cover-up of a ‘Little Prince’ tattoo I’ve been involved in—and the sixth involving the fox character in Northeast Portland alone.”
At press time, the coffee shop was boarded up after several Yelp and Google reviewers complained the atmosphere was not the same anymore.
