MINNEAPOLIS — In the wake of murdering another U.S. citizen in Minneapolis this morning, ICE agents have already begun the long and labor-intensive process of threatening, intimidating, or, if all else fails, murdering all 175 million people who witnessed the video of the incident. “As soon as I heard about the killing, I thought to myself, ‘Oh boy, here we go.'” recounted ICE field chief Damian Hollow. “It’s gonna be a long few weeks of going door to door across the country, putting guns in 175 million faces and saying, ‘That video you saw? No, you fucking didn’t, capeche?!’ Plus, we’re probably gonna have to kill all the ones who don’t comply immediately, and then we need to go cover up those killings, and on and on. It’s a tough job, hey, it’s how we keep America safe.” Hollow proceeded to wave an assault rifle around at reporters and told them that if they printed a word of what he just said, they would be shot down like dogs in the street.
This is a breaking story, and we’ll have more as it develops unless we get shot.
