GALLATIN, Tenn. — Local 23-year-old guitarist Brandon Hanish stunned his bandmates this week when he announced, unprompted, that he does not believe the G chord exists, calling it a, “widely debunked myth invented by female musicians to make men feel inadequate,” Hanish’s few remaining friends confirmed.
“I acknowledge the existence of power chords, drop-D riffs, but anything requiring that kind of strenuous finger placement is medically impossible. Show me the science,” Brandon said, gesturing angrily at a Strat replica missing two strings. “Every time someone claims the G chord is real, it’s always secondhand. ‘I saw it in a video… My girlfriend can play it… It’s literally the first chord you are taught!’ That’s not evidence. I’ve been playing guitar for years and I’ve never personally played a G chord, which tells me everything I need to know.”
Hanish’s bandmates have tried to be patient with him but seem at a loss.
“At first it was like, ok, he doesn’t have a lot of experience and he’ll grow out of it. But he just kept getting more stubborn about it, I think because he struggled to achieve the chord with his stubby fingers,” said a bandmate who asked to remain anonymous but played bass in Hanish’s short-lived neo-grunge project The Ledger. “Anytime we suggested he practice or learn basic theory, he’d say talent should be innate. Like, ‘If the G chord were real, I’d already be able to play it.’ He doesn’t want to get better, he doesn’t want to put in the work, just wants the guitar to meet him at his amateurish level and still be perfect.”
According to experts, Hanish’s beliefs are part of an unnerving yet growing trend.
“We’re seeing more men, boys really, fall into algorithm-driven myths about music. They’re told that certain chords are lies, that practice is beta humiliation, and that if something doesn’t come easily, it must be fictional,” explained Dr. Naomi Stevens, a psychologist specializing in musician radicalization. “Social media rewards grievance over growth. It’s much easier to deny the G chord than to accept that learning requires effort. These myths often frame female musicians as AI-generated or planted gatekeepers of propaganda.”
At press time, Hanish announced plans to release a 90 minute long solo “opus” titled “The Tate Lament” played entirely with a C chord.
