SMYRNA, Ga. — A beloved billboard in a Georgia suburb made waves following a recent display of pro-life messaging, confirmed sources.
“It’s just so disappointing to see,” stated lifelong resident Lisa Martin. “I mean, we grew up with this billboard, and it’s been such a pleasant figure in the neighborhood. It used to do silly advertising like those cows trying to get you to eat at Chick-fil-A, or it would have advertisements supporting local businesses. But these past few years, something changed. I can’t quite pin down when it happened. Maybe it was when it refused to advertise the live-action ‘The Little Mermaid.’ Or maybe it was when it advertised that mega church for a little while. There was one more Chick-fil-A ad, then bam! Suddenly it was pushing protein powder, beef tallow, and now this.”
The billboard itself acted as if it didn’t quite understand the backlash from the townspeople.
“I mean look. I was apolitical my whole life. Hell, I was a billboard for Obama back in ‘08,” said the 14’ x 48’ board. “But the pandemic really got me thinking. Those mask mandates, seeing how everyone was just following orders like a bunch of fucking sheep. I started hearing Joe Rogan out of the windows of passing cars, and I realized how complacent we’ve all gotten. People say free speech is dead, but it won’t be if I’ve got anything to do with it. Well, at least I’ll say whatever the people paying me tell me to.”
However, research done by an advertising group reveals that the billboard might not have as defined strongholds as thought.
“While this billboard might be presenting pro-life advertisements, we have reason to believe there’s more to the story,” stated Jon Miller, researcher at Ad Aftra agency. “Through diligent research and interviews we discovered that despite its current messaging, the billboard was being paid under the table to advertise Plan B on the back of it. And that it paid for its mistress’s abortion.”
Additional research revealed the upcoming slots on the billboards paid space included ads for Bud Light and the Sydney Sweeney American Eagle ad.
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