Feminism is a scary word for men. Like “dentist” or “accountability,” it evokes visceral reactions from guys who think maternity leave is “woke.” The idea that a delicate, right-brained woman could change a tire, read a map, or employ decades of piss-poor coping mechanisms that will ultimately derail her own life without any outside assistance is unfathomable, spine-tingling, and possibly even sacrilegious.
Historically, women have relied on men to get things done for no other reason than that societies tend to prioritize the male viewpoint, and function as such. Though our grandmothers and great-grandmothers might have dreamed of being trailblazers, it was illegal for women to wear pants back then, and it’s not easy to blaze trails in a poodle skirt and Victorian corset. Thankfully, times have changed, and this local woman is taking advantage of the freedoms her ancestors couldn’t enjoy by fucking up her life with no help from a man.
After years of being chided by older members of her family asking, “When are you going to settle down and find a nice-passing guy to undermine your confidence, strip you of your identity, and ultimately ruin your one god-given life?” local feminist icon Tina Kirk posed a revolutionary question to herself. “What if I could ruin my life more effectively than any man ever could?” Armed with the knowledge that anything is possible as long as you believe in your self-sabotage, she set out to do just that.
Kirk doesn’t expect the older women in her family to understand, and how could they? She comes from a long line of great aunts who were given lobotomies for staying out too late at barn dances and grandmothers who couldn’t buy a car without a permission slip from their husbands. Their inability to accept the fact that an unmarried, single woman can fuck up their own life so badly that even strangers advise them to “just give up,” and “find god” is just a symptom of generational trauma.
Why employ a man to impart doubt, imposter syndrome, and poor self-image when you have a wide range of anxiety disorders to do it for you? These days, women have the freedom to vote for one of two presidential candidates who will both actively try to dismantle their rights. Now that’s power. A woman can legally file for divorce and spend her entire settlement on Venetian blinds in the fit of mania without being institutionalized, and that, ladies, is progress.