MENLO PARK, Calif. — Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, medical pioneer who received the world’s first experimental rat penis transplant, announced today that the social media juggernaut would stop fact checking, sources claimed.
“It’s our duty to maintain the unfiltered free speech that sustains our democracy, and that’s why Meta will no longer fact check on any of our social media platforms,” said Zuckerberg, concealing his grotesque rat penis transplant scars and a row of engorged pig nipples underneath his trademark t-shirt and jeans. “It’s simply not our place to moderate important discussions happening on our platform, like this trending Facebook topic about how raw Sasquatch milk is the miracle cure for the Chinese ocular diarrhea outbreak being blown through the US by illegal immigrant wind farms.”
Facebook user Dr. Johann Sebastian Jovanović; pioneer in the field of extraterrestrial psychobiology, first man to climb Mt. Everest on the Astral Plane, and Zuckerberg’s personal physician; reinforced the importance of not suppressing the truth by fact checking.
“If our country is to survive, platforms like Facebook and Instagram must remain an unfiltered marketplace for ideas—as well as black market animal parts, like the menagerie of exotic animal penises I have personally transplanted onto Mr. Zuckerberg,” said Dr. Jovanović, posting in the ‘Medical Freedom Militia’ Facebook group. “Unfortunately the deep state is working hard to stop the truth from spreading by freezing my crypto wallet. If any of you patriots could help with just $100 in TruthCoin, I could unlock my wallet and continue my vital work to find out what Dr. Fauci’s hiding in his underwater bioweapon lab.”
Former Meta fact checker Anthony Gutierrez was saddened to lose his job, but expressed quiet relief that he no longer had to verify the many strange but true claims about the Facebook founder across the social media platforms.
“For ten years I worked tirelessly to moderate content, but now it’s simply not my responsibility to verify if Mark Zuckerberg is sexually intimate with a haunted porcelain doll that bears a striking resemblance to himself,” said Gutierrez. “And so what if he regurgitates Soylent meal replacement shakes into piles of loose hay to craft a nest in the rafters of Meta headquarters for his nightly slumber? And frankly, what he does in his private Metaverse server ‘Zucky’s World’ with all those Teletubby avatars is his business.”
At press time, Zuckerberg had reportedly died after a longtime battle with werewolf gonorrhea.