MENLO PARK, Calif. — Intermittent Facebook user Jonathon Tanner returned to the social media platform to see how Todd Costas, whom he met once at a college party 13 years ago and added as a friend, is doing.
“I haven’t been on Facebook for a long time but I figured I’d log back on to see if Reels is still a thing for some reason,” Tanner explained. “I met Todd at a freshman party and we bonded after he held me up to do a keg stand. After that I only occasionally saw him in the hallway for four years. We never had a conversation after that night, just a courteous nod when we crossed paths. Glad to see he is now married, furthered his education at the ‘School of Hard Knocks,’ and working at something called ‘Dunder Miflin.’ Plus, he seems to be exclusively friends with hot women wearing skimpy bikinis and no mutuals.”
Costas seemed to remember Tanner as well.
“Yeah, I still post on Facebook but mostly just pictures of my kids and to moderate my group called Truckers 4 Trump,” said Costas. “I saw Jonathon liked one of the photos. Took me awhile to remember who he was and then I recalled he was that guy at some party who told me that the Seth Rogan movie ‘Paul’ was the funniest shit ever and that we should add each other on Facebook. He then tried to impress everyone by opening his beer with a lighter even though it was a twist off. I don’t know how he’s doing because he hasn’t posted since 2016, but I wish him no harm.”
Mark Zuckerberg, watching every Facebook interaction from his Meta Goggles, shed a single tear over the encounter.
“When I started social media 20 years ago, I had a vision. A vision where people have to scroll through targeted ads, AI images of war vets, and most importantly, see the occasional status update of someone they added on a whim. We did it, people! We changed the future,” Zuckerberg said. “I am going to store this information in our ‘Precious Moments’ data center along with that time a woman on Instagram hovered over a cat photo too long.”
Although Tanner never planned to directly message Costas, his account eventually got hacked, which sent Costas a DM about investing in a crypto scam.