NEW YORK — American R&B singer Sisqó revealed that he would be collaborating with the New York Philharmonic to perform a rendition of the 1999 hit “Thong Song,” confirmed sources who vaguely remembered that song.
“I’ve been thinking about this since I saw a Vitamin Water ad with 50 Cent conducting an orchestra to ‘In Da Club.’ I figured it was time for me to grow up as well, show my audience that I’m an artist, not just some 20-year-old who’s interested in watching girls’ booty shake,” said the singer, now 46. “When I approached all 100 members of the Philharmonic at once about the collaboration, they weren’t sure the line ‘dumps like a truck’ would fit with a bassoon. But after convincing them that the audience of this song is now old enough to appreciate Beethoven, he immediately agreed.”
New York Philharmonic director Jaap van Zweden was excited about the opportunity to join forces with someone he hadn’t actually heard of previously.
“I have always wanted to perform a song specifically about women’s underwear. I’m going to start with a lone oboe, a lamb lost in the woods, and continue to layer the instrumentation while the narrative—whose throughline concerns a thin piece of fabric between butt cheeks—starts to take form,” said the composer. “The woodwinds rise out of a piano-forte, and we’re off, climbing the double-mountain. The timpani appears, rising alongside a cymbal roll that smashes down like waves—so that by the climax the audience’s heart is racing as I turn around and tear away my tuxedo pants to reveal a red satin thong. The message of the chorus is ‘let me see that thong.’ That’s exactly what I plan to do.”
Symphonic historian Klaus Wagner, PhD, wasn’t surprised to learn of the pairing.
“Everybody in classical music dreams of collaborating with Sisqó. But what is it about this particular composition? Is it the harrowing shift from C-sharp to D-minor? The increasing modulation? The surging instrumental section preceding the finale?” said the author of “The Definitive Guide to Classical.” “Personally, I think it’s the subtlety of the line ‘thong-tha-thong-thong-thong.’ Mozart would have given his left nut to write a melody that simple, yet elegant. But unfortunately, we’ll have to settle for his ‘Piano Concerto No.21’ track instead.”
Meanwhile, across the country, Kirst Novoselic and Dave Grohl reunited to collaborate with the Seattle Symphony on an update of “Rape Me.”